Pati ki Dusri Shaadi – Funny Patni Joke
पत्नी : अगर मैं अचानक मर गई तो तुम क्या दूसरी शादी करोगे?पति : नो डार्लिंग, ऐसा तो मैं सोच भी नहीं सकता!!!
पत्नी : क्यों, नहीं क्यों ? अरे आपके अच्छे बुरे पलों को बांटने के लिए कोई तो साथी चाहिए!!!
प्लीज शादी कर लेना डार्लिंग!!!
पति : ओह माय शोना.. मरने के बाद की भी मेरी इतनी फ़िक्र???पत्नी : तो प्रोमिस ? आप दूसरी शादी कर लोगे ना ?
पति : ओके बाबा, लेकिन सिर्फ तुम्हारी खातिर करूँगा !!!
पत्नी : तुम अपनी नई पत्नी को इस घर में रखोगे ना ?
पति : हाँ, लेकिन उसे तुम्हारा कमरा कभी यूज़ नहीं करने दूंगा।पत्नी : उसे अपनी कार चलाने दोगे ?
पति : नो, नेवर,,, उस कार को तो तुम्हारी यादगार बना के रखूंगा।उसको दूसरी कार दिला दूंगा !!!
पत्नी : और मेरे ज़ेवर …?
पति : वो उसे कैसे दे सकता हूँ। उनसे तुम्हारी यादें जुड़ीं होंगी। वो अपने लिए नई ज्वेलरी मांगेगी ना !!!
पत्नी : वो मेरी जींस पहनेगी तो ?
पति : नहीं उसका नंबर 30 है और तुम्हारा 34 !!!
चुप्पी छा गई…
पति : ओ शिट…
पति का अंतिम संस्कार कल 10 बजे है!!!
– :: हँसना मना है :: –
पत्नी : क्यों, नहीं क्यों ? अरे आपके अच्छे बुरे पलों को बांटने के लिए कोई तो साथी चाहिए!!!
प्लीज शादी कर लेना डार्लिंग!!!
पति : ओह माय शोना.. मरने के बाद की भी मेरी इतनी फ़िक्र???पत्नी : तो प्रोमिस ? आप दूसरी शादी कर लोगे ना ?
पति : ओके बाबा, लेकिन सिर्फ तुम्हारी खातिर करूँगा !!!
पत्नी : तुम अपनी नई पत्नी को इस घर में रखोगे ना ?
पति : हाँ, लेकिन उसे तुम्हारा कमरा कभी यूज़ नहीं करने दूंगा।पत्नी : उसे अपनी कार चलाने दोगे ?
पति : नो, नेवर,,, उस कार को तो तुम्हारी यादगार बना के रखूंगा।उसको दूसरी कार दिला दूंगा !!!
पत्नी : और मेरे ज़ेवर …?
पति : वो उसे कैसे दे सकता हूँ। उनसे तुम्हारी यादें जुड़ीं होंगी। वो अपने लिए नई ज्वेलरी मांगेगी ना !!!
पत्नी : वो मेरी जींस पहनेगी तो ?
पति : नहीं उसका नंबर 30 है और तुम्हारा 34 !!!
चुप्पी छा गई…
पति : ओ शिट…
पति का अंतिम संस्कार कल 10 बजे है!!!
– :: हँसना मना है :: –
Happy Dashera
कभी किसी ने ये सोचा कि दवाई के पैकेट मे 10 tablet ही क्यों होती है ???
जानकारी के लिए बता दूँ..
यह प्रथा जब रावण को सरदर्द हुआ, तब उसी ने चालू करवायी थी…!
Happy दशहरा!
Rajnikant Jokes
-રજનીકાંત તેમના iPodથી iPad પર કોલ કરી શકે છે
-એક વખત રજનીકાંતે ચેક સાઈન કરી લીધો પછી બેન્ક બાઉન્સ થઈ શકે ચેક નહીં..
-એક વખત મોતને પણ રજનીકાંતનો અનુભવ થયો છે
-જ્યારે ભગવાન પણ કોઈ વાતે આશ્ચર્યચકિત થઈ જાય છે ત્યારે તેઓ કહે છે, ''Oh my Rajnikaant!''
-સૌથી મોટુ રહસ્ય શોધાયું, એપ્પલના લોગોમાં જે એપ્પલનો ટુકડો ગૂમ છે તે રજનીકાંતે ખાધો હતો.
-રજનીંકાતનો આગામી પ્રોજેક્ટ છે ટાઈટેનિક ઈન તમિલ. જેનો ક્લાઈમેક્સ બદલવામાં આવશે. જેમાં હિરો હિરોઈન બન્ને બચી જશે. રજની એક હાથે ટાઈટેનિક અને એક હાથમાં હિરોઈન સાથે આખો એટલાન્ટિંક દરિયો તરીને બહાર આવી જશે.
-સૂપર મેન અને રજનીકાંત વચ્ચે એક વખત ફાઈટ થઈ. ફાઈટનો નિયમ હતો, જે હારે તેણે પેન્ટની ઉપર અન્ડરવેર પહેરવી પડશે.
-રજનીકાંતને ક્યારેય પાણીની બોટલ સાથે રાખવી પડતી નથી, જ્યારે પણ જરૂર પડે તેઓ હવામાંથી હાઈડ્રોજન અને ઓક્સિજનને મર્જ કરી તે પાણી બનાવી શકે છે.
-એક વખત રજનીકાંતનું વોલેટ ખોવાઈ ગયું ત્યારથી દુનિયામાં મંદીનું મોજુ ફરી વળ્યું છે.
-એક વખત રજનીકાંત હેલીકોપ્ટરમાં બેસીને જતા હતાં ત્યાં તેમણે પાન ખાધુ અને બારીમાંથી પાનની પિચ્કારી મારી, તે છાંટા જ્યાં પળ્યાં તે આજે લાલ કિલ્લાના નામે ઓળખાય છે.
-સારુ થયુ રજનીકાંત 1947 પહલાં ન જન્મયા નહીં તો અંગ્રેજોએ ચળવળ લઢવી પળત
-એક વાર રજનીકાંત ચા પીવા કિટલી પર ગયા, ચા ભાવી નહીં એટલે ચાનો કપ હવામાં ઉછાળ્યો અને તલવારથી કપ કાપી નાખ્યો ત્યારથી કટિંગ ચા વેચાય છે.
- Politician's Comedy
1 :
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
2 :
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks
over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14
million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
3 :
Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!
4 :
A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"
The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"
The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog."
5 :
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:
"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon,
we have copies of everything."
- Heart and Brain
-એક વખત રજનીકાંતે ચેક સાઈન કરી લીધો પછી બેન્ક બાઉન્સ થઈ શકે ચેક નહીં..
-એક વખત મોતને પણ રજનીકાંતનો અનુભવ થયો છે
-જ્યારે ભગવાન પણ કોઈ વાતે આશ્ચર્યચકિત થઈ જાય છે ત્યારે તેઓ કહે છે, ''Oh my Rajnikaant!''
-સૌથી મોટુ રહસ્ય શોધાયું, એપ્પલના લોગોમાં જે એપ્પલનો ટુકડો ગૂમ છે તે રજનીકાંતે ખાધો હતો.
-રજનીંકાતનો આગામી પ્રોજેક્ટ છે ટાઈટેનિક ઈન તમિલ. જેનો ક્લાઈમેક્સ બદલવામાં આવશે. જેમાં હિરો હિરોઈન બન્ને બચી જશે. રજની એક હાથે ટાઈટેનિક અને એક હાથમાં હિરોઈન સાથે આખો એટલાન્ટિંક દરિયો તરીને બહાર આવી જશે.
-સૂપર મેન અને રજનીકાંત વચ્ચે એક વખત ફાઈટ થઈ. ફાઈટનો નિયમ હતો, જે હારે તેણે પેન્ટની ઉપર અન્ડરવેર પહેરવી પડશે.
-રજનીકાંતને ક્યારેય પાણીની બોટલ સાથે રાખવી પડતી નથી, જ્યારે પણ જરૂર પડે તેઓ હવામાંથી હાઈડ્રોજન અને ઓક્સિજનને મર્જ કરી તે પાણી બનાવી શકે છે.
-એક વખત રજનીકાંતનું વોલેટ ખોવાઈ ગયું ત્યારથી દુનિયામાં મંદીનું મોજુ ફરી વળ્યું છે.
-એક વખત રજનીકાંત હેલીકોપ્ટરમાં બેસીને જતા હતાં ત્યાં તેમણે પાન ખાધુ અને બારીમાંથી પાનની પિચ્કારી મારી, તે છાંટા જ્યાં પળ્યાં તે આજે લાલ કિલ્લાના નામે ઓળખાય છે.
-સારુ થયુ રજનીકાંત 1947 પહલાં ન જન્મયા નહીં તો અંગ્રેજોએ ચળવળ લઢવી પળત
-એક વાર રજનીકાંત ચા પીવા કિટલી પર ગયા, ચા ભાવી નહીં એટલે ચાનો કપ હવામાં ઉછાળ્યો અને તલવારથી કપ કાપી નાખ્યો ત્યારથી કટિંગ ચા વેચાય છે.
1 :
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks
over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14
million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
3 :
Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!
4 :
A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"
The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"
The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog."
5 :
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:
"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon,
we have copies of everything."
Why Men and Women Don't Understand Each Other?
Because; God Gave Good Brains To Men and Good Hearts To Women But Men Use Their Hearts & Women Use Their Brains.
Because; God Gave Good Brains To Men and Good Hearts To Women But Men Use Their Hearts & Women Use Their Brains.
- 20 Minute Speech
The CEO of a large company was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. A few days later when the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.
"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."
The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
- Kick Away
Once a donkey kicked a stupid man and ran away.
He started chasing and he found a zebra and started beating saying "You think if you change your dress I can't recognize you"?
- Funny Resumes
These are from actual resumes:
- 20 Minute Speech
"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."
The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
- Kick Away
Once a donkey kicked a stupid man and ran away.
He started chasing and he found a zebra and started beating saying "You think if you change your dress I can't recognize you"?
He started chasing and he found a zebra and started beating saying "You think if you change your dress I can't recognize you"?
"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs."
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
RESUME BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I'm a rabid typist."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."
- Four Inside Five
In a college, students were asked, how to put four inside five
Commerce student: It's not possible
Arts Student: It's impossible
Medical student: No answer
Engineering student: It is possible, F(IV)E
Nice Jokes and Nice Work...
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